How To Deal with Negative People in 5 Sparkly Steps

by Hibiscus Moon on February 27, 2012 · 63 comments

Ahhh negative people. Can you transmute negative energy?

Sometimes I feel like I’m surrounded by them. This is especially so when you’re immersed in the matrix of Mon-Fri, 9-5….why is that? Is it really so hard to transmute negative energy? Yes…it can be.

I know for me…I try, boy, do I try to keep positive. But sometimes, these peeps are relentless! I think a lot of it is a cultural fitting in thing. Ya know…you don’t know what to talk about so our culture encourages us to complain about something…the misery & company thing. *sigh* Isn’t that sad?

Nothing nice to say, so complain with each other.

Sometimes the negativity parties can be so intense or non-relenting that you end up feeling annoyed, slightly depressed, emotionally exhausted or even physically tired.

What now? How do you remain strong? People ask me this all the time. Don’t get me wrong. I get sucked into the black hole of this negativity-thumping all the time. But I’m getting better at catching myself & pulling out of its gravitational pull.

This is what helps me.

1. Be aware. Who are those negative peeps? Do you know? Sometimes, you don’t because they do it so much that it almost seems normal! So how do you know?

Do you just have that feeling when they’re around or after they leave? Do you just want to get away from them? Do they just drum up drama? Do they always NEED something?

Once you know who they are, you can work on DOING something about it.  The 1 thing you have control over is your reaction to the situation. Thank Goodness! You can even avoid them. You say “HOW?” Dear Lima Bean?

How ’bout this advice from Marie Forleo?:

If its a family member,  you can simply step out of the situation & observe. I try to understand why the person is so negative. BUT, don’t sympathize with them verbally!

2. Say nothing
So here comes the negativity barrage. Smile & say nothing. Yep, just like grandma said…”If you have nothing good to say…” icon smile How To Deal with Negative People in 5 Sparkly Steps

If you don’t give energy to this interchange it goes away…no fuel.

This is usually where I get sucked into the Negativity Black hole. It’s so easy to get pulled in. Next thing I know, I’m pissed about all sorts of things & I feel totally drained.

3. Try wearing black tourmaline.

Black tourmaline is known for its ability to transmute & “cleanse” energy. Here’s  video I did on that subject:

OR my favorite combo for this black tourmaline & smokey quartz:

You can really boost the energy of your black tourmaline if you put your intention into it. Try visualizing the stone’s energy field cocooning you…because it actually is…but when you realize it, you can amplify it, creating a virtual force field around you. Can’t Touch This!

4. Say, “OK, now tell me something good.”
This is  major diffuser. Like water to the flame. I actually LOVE how this ends the tirade. Try it!! Its kind of funny.

(Edit…I received so many funny, cool, good messages on FB on this post & 2 Crystal Hotties posted this video, so this HAS to go here!! PERFECTO! icon smile How To Deal with Negative People in 5 Sparkly Steps

5. Restructure the Energy

Sage smudging is great for this!! It generates negative ions in our environment which makes the energy around us feel great! This is some powerful space clearing mojo that makes the energy in your environment sparkle again!! If you want to know the WHY of this (as I often do!) click here for a Web MD explanation.

sage crystals How To Deal with Negative People in 5 Sparkly Steps

Can’t smudge? Its not always practical, is it?

I like to use a spray smudge that I make which includes sage herb tincture, smokey quartz gem elixir & black tourmaline gem elixir.

I use this to clear the energy after the negativity monger leaves the area. Spritz, spritz, spritz!!!

It really chases out the “Yuck & Stuck” energy, as I like to call it.

(Pssst! I’m working on an uber-secret Gem Elixirs Kit that will teach all the details on how to create one of these for yourself. Awesome fun!) Its available now!! Yays!

negativity neutralizer spray2 How To Deal with Negative People in 5 Sparkly Steps

Sorry Crystal Hotties. Not for sale. I can’t keep up with production on these. They sell out as quickly as I can make them! So, YEAH! It works!!

So what helps you to deal with negative peeps? Please share! We all need as many tips & tricks we can get our hands on. icon smile How To Deal with Negative People in 5 Sparkly Steps

Super Crystal Blessings to you All!

signature4 How To Deal with Negative People in 5 Sparkly Steps




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{ 60 comments… read them below or add one }

Karina February 27, 2012 at 11:06 am

I loved this post! Thank you for all the useful tips : ). On a good day (this isn’t always the case ; )

I open my heart to the negative person and visualize that we are connected soul to soul. Our hearts exchange beautiful and loving energy and I concentrate on this instead of the words the person is speaking.

I love doing this because it makes me feel great! I just get filled up with great energy and it keeps me from getting sucked into that black hole.

Big hugs, Karina


Jackie February 27, 2012 at 11:17 am

Oh number 4 made me laugh out loud and I will definitely call upon it next time I’m pinned to the wall by one of those conversations where someone can only see the bad in the world! Thank you for sharing xx


Hibiscus Moon February 27, 2012 at 8:19 pm

Let me know how it works for you!


QuailRune March 7, 2012 at 8:59 pm

Generally pretty well. :) Thumbs up!


Hibiscus Moon March 8, 2012 at 8:34 pm

YAya!!!!! Good. :)


QuailRune February 27, 2012 at 2:24 pm

Black tourmaline is my salvation against negative energy! Both tourmaline and quartz–separately used–are two of the best stones to ever cross my path. And I agree, it helps to inspire others to be positive instead of negative. Thanks for sharing this–a tip to use with some bitter people I know.


Jeanette February 27, 2012 at 3:15 pm

Great list! :) I draw up a bubble around me, repelling all the icky stuff and keeping me nice and protected. And I take baths with sea salt, just letting it all wash away afterwards.


Jill Bloomer April 1, 2012 at 11:49 am

Looooove this!


Patti August 3, 2012 at 10:48 pm

When I can’t burn sage, I use the sage essential oil and peppermint essential oil mixture for a spray. It smells yummy too.


Christine September 2, 2012 at 10:45 pm

WOW! More synchronicity! I just did a blog post on the clarity a friend and I have both come to, today, on negative energy (our own and others’) and love! I almost didn’t post it, till I saw this!
Find it here:


Hibiscus Moon September 2, 2012 at 10:59 pm

Thank you for sharing that!!♥


Alexis September 3, 2012 at 1:51 pm

I just had the visitor from you know where. She caused so much distress while she was here, that my home, cat and I are 3 weeks later very upset. I felt the home relax after a good smudging and will do it again. Any other tips for releasing her negative energy from my home and self would be appreciated. This was the most impact you can imagine.


Hibiscus Moon September 3, 2012 at 2:20 pm

Alexis, do a negativity neutralizing crystal grid in a main room of your house with smokey quartz & black tourmaline & continue to smudge. ♥


Mika September 11, 2012 at 10:22 am

Great post at the right time. Right now, I feel like the divine is teaching me a lesson in how to control negativity in my environment because at times it seems to run rampant in LA. I have been doing the quite & smile thing at home and it does seem to work. I usually always work on keeping things on the light, positive and playful. Yes, my inner child is very much alive. I will now add the “tell me something good”- great Chaka Khan video by the way. I was able to turn it up and dance. :-)

If the negativity kicks in while I am out because of inconsiderate people in traffic, stores etc… I will take out my lithium quartz or make sure I have it on my body somewhere and circle it around my body. I also take deep breaths to relax my body, opening to love and realize that we are all the same. Hard to remember in times like these but it does help.

Much Love,


Hibiscus Moon September 11, 2012 at 10:39 am

Mika, it sounds like you’ve got this stuff down pat. ;)


Silver Angel September 22, 2012 at 1:38 am

You could always use the exploding rose technique. As they rant on, do this. Exploding Roses – Also called Blowing-Up Roses or Blowing Roses. It balances the energy of creating and destroying. It also clears old energies and thought patterns out and ends cycles. It is one of the most powerful ways to stop thinking the same thought over and over again.
A. Create a three dimensional rose at the edge of your aura about 12 inches in front of you.

B. Make this an absorbing rose, where it pulls out energy from others and thought patterns from others. You can actually pull one particular thought in a rose. (Repeat if necessary).

C. Once the Rose is filled up with energy, thoughts, or pictures, then create a firecracker or bomb underneath the rose and explode it to neutralize the energy.

D. Be sure to fill in with a golden sun to replenish your energy so the same energy won’t return.

Some examples of things to blow up:

people in your space- parents, ex-spouse, boss etc.

emotions- sadness, depression, frustration, indecision, procrastination, anger, fear, guilt etc.

Whatever is stopping me from: Creating, achieving etc.

Thoughts- negative, songs repeating in your head

Event you may still have energy from- funeral, wedding, party, a reading, at the end of the day etc.
From Jetta Globe Published on Spark People forum.
Hope you like this….it’s a great little tool, & you can use it in many ways. Many thanks to Jetta for this.
Love & Light
Silver Angel xx


Hibiscus Moon September 24, 2012 at 4:23 pm

What a wonderful technique Angel. Thank you for sharing that with us.


Sunny September 18, 2013 at 10:06 am

I have been blowing roses for 18 yrs always works :)))enjoy smile relax :)))


Radiant center in the woods October 26, 2012 at 8:27 am

Hi all,
Tourmaline is indeed very powerfull and useable like Hibi ;) sais. I carry one in my pocket all the time. I have some additions or replacement suggestions. Labradorite. Also very proctective and bounces the bad vibes back to the sender. It also strengthens you metaphysical abilities and aura. Next I would recommend a Tibetan Black Quartz. This one strengthens your aura.. some sources reports that it will loght your aura up with bright light. It works as a shield… shields up sort of say ;) Only good vibes can pass it. Additional it balances your chakras… it really does. Both Labradorite or the TBQ I wear around my neck and I can say… it works for me. The TBQ as “bad” filter and balancer, Labradorite as protector and sense enhancer/strengthener. What I noticed on obth is that the Labradorite is more active when you are involved with more outgoing communications so working more outgoing while the TBQ is more inward. Ofc this is personal so what works for me could work not as good for you or work different.. guess depending on your own energies and your relation with the crystals involved….. Only one way to find out… try….


Maurie January 9, 2013 at 6:38 pm

Thanks for all the great tips! I love the sound of your negativity spray. Black Tourmaline is my go to as well for clearing away negative stuff that I don’t want around. I have a piece hanging in my car as well as usually have a piece with me and a huge chunk that I tend to cuddle fairly often. I know I can’t be the only one who cuddles their favorite stones!


Hibiscus Moon January 9, 2013 at 6:44 pm

No, you’re not Maurie. I’m cuddling mine all the time!


Sandi February 3, 2013 at 11:14 pm

I cuddle with mine also.


Lisa January 10, 2013 at 9:32 am

Hi when using crystals for the first time should you put them in the sun? I think I was told it would get rid of other energies that have touched it.


Sandi February 3, 2013 at 11:04 pm

How do you deal with your own negativity? I am empathic and take on too much. What would you suggest to use. Thank you.


Beth Burnett March 24, 2013 at 5:04 pm

I love all of these ideas. Something that helps me a lot of I am dealing with someone who is giving me grief or being hard to handle is to tell myself that they must be my lesson for the day. “Ah, obviously John Doe is my lesson in patience for the day!” or “Jane must be my lesson in listening with love for the day.” It doesn’t *always* help, but it has helped in many cases and at least allows me to step back and not be so reactive.


Diana March 27, 2013 at 2:13 pm

Black tourmaline will help you deal with “your” anger as well as anger from others. I have a lovely story about one of my sons who has (can I say had?) anger issues. I gifted a black tourmaline pendant on a silk cord to him and asked him to wear it for at least a week. After a few days I asked him how the black tourmaline was working for him and he said, “It isn’t doing anything, Mom. When I wear it, nothing happens that makes me angry, so I cannot say that it is doing any good at all.” Now if that isn’t a vote of confidence, I don’t know what is! Makes me chuckle to remember “nothing happens that makes me angry” … He did hang it on a lamp in his bedroom, so he’s getting some good out of it whether he knows it or not.

Another thing I use and suggest to others is to invoke the Violet Flame into the anger/other person/situation and let it transmute the negativity. This is a wonderful tool, quick and easy to use as well.

Another comment about black tourmaline, since I commute each week day into town and in and around so much “stuff”, I wear earrings with black tourmaline beads incorporated into the design. That way I’ve got it covered. On days when I am not wearing a “fortified” pair of earrings, I have a pendant with black tourmaline in it that I wear.

I have a genesa crystal hanging in my car that also helps transmute negativity – you can even make your own, if you google “genesa” you will get to a website that has a free pattern and you can read up on the properties of the genesa.

So that’s my 3: black tourmaline, Violet Flame and genesa.

Love and peace, Diana


alicia April 1, 2013 at 6:58 pm

Hi, i’m so glad for all the info that you share each day. Been a great help :>)
One of the this i do to break up negetivity is to use sage/ceder wood, along with frankincense. Smells devine!!


Anonymous April 24, 2013 at 2:09 pm

What a great post!! I had already watched your video on Black Tourmaline. I went out the other night for a change… I was sitting alone listening to a live local band play. I know the owner and he kinda stole my hubby away to talk.. LOL! (it’s usually the chatty women they say)…. I sat alone with a song request enjoying my music and great peeps singing and playing guitar. I SPECIFICALLY brought my black Tourmaline because I know the drama queens around there. Whatta yah know!! the waitress there knows me and sits by me to roll silverware and proceed to unleash the DRAMA NEGATIVITY BEAST!! I wanted say GO AWAY! Can’t you see I am trying have a beer and ENJOY my SOLITUDE??! Instead I reached in my pocket grabbed that Tourmaline and helped roll silverware while she ran her drama and I finished all of it for her quickly & sent her on her way. This was me NOT sucking into her drama turning it into a positive. I helped her get the job done but my real motive was to just get back to my seat ALONE!! It worked. I guess she thought it odd that I was sitting alone. Maybe the mindset of “why would you want to be alone?” .. so they come over and do what society has trained them to do. COMPLAIN! Ironically I just might be “complaining about complaining” . LOL!
What I do know is that I did NOT get sucked into it. I turned it into a positive and stopped her negative thought process. Then listened to a beautiful couple sing one of my favorite songs. ‘Southern Cross’.
If had that spray I would load a super soaker water gun full of it and just start spraying everybody!! HEY A NEW PRODUCT IDEA!! LOL! <3


Diana Davis June 1, 2013 at 12:04 am

Hi Hibiscus,
Great article and great comments. I got a lot of help from them.
I am a caregiver for the elderly. I deal with a huge lot of negative invironments but also the positive ions in the atmuspher is high as there is a lot of electricity going on with oxigen machines and televisions on all the time and what ever else that is electrical.
Before I leave my home I put on a turmaline bracelet on one arm and a hematite bracelet on the other arm. When I do a 24 hr work I bring my crystal bag full of diffrent crystals and I sleep with them. This help tremendusly. I also drink a lot of water as that flushes out a lot of toxins while in this kind of inviroment.

Thank you for your utubes as they are so informative.


Victoria July 16, 2013 at 8:22 pm

I diffuse it before it even happens! When people ask me how I am doing I tell absolutely unbelievable! I smile because I mean it! No one can respond negatively to that and they take the drama train down the line!


Linda July 16, 2013 at 11:39 pm

I work in the health department within a prison system. The negativity and drama is unreal especially because the staff consist of a majority of women. There is always someone backstabbing another. I try to avoid these people but it is hard because you work closely with them. And my lunch hour is mine. I have asked our native elder to do a smudge for space clearing because good workers are lost to to stress leave or they move on. However, smoke is not allowed within for various reasons. Some liquid smoke may do the trick. I believe there are negative entities that are floating around. But I leave work at work and am always happy to come home after my shift. Seeing my husband and our dogs after a long day just brings joy to my heart.


Karis July 22, 2013 at 7:05 am

I find this funny! Now, what happens in the case where you’re the one being called negative when it is actually the other person??

That’s what actually happens to me. Philosophy is my life. I tend to think differently than a lot of people I encounter. Well, duh– it’s a different way of thinking altogether for anyone who’s studied it. It’s so absolutely boring & unrefreshing: the “You’re negative” or “You’re weird” labeling simply because they don’t [want to ] understand [or hear] my perspective or the person has control issues.

The thing is: I’m usually right. What I mean is: the point I was expressing manifests itself days or a week later [or whatever]. How about that?

Some days, I really want to ask people: Can you use no other adjective? Can’t you be more creative than that?? No curse words & no use of “weird” or “negative”, now go ahead & try to label me. Let’s see what you can come up with today. >>LOL<<

I had someone spew a bunch of negativity about me in the work place in front of management & when you look at it, the person was talking about himself. Oops. I'm SO sorry! /end of sarcasm!!


Deirdre September 18, 2013 at 9:26 am

Brilliant post & super video by Maria, I’ve never heard of her till this!
She’s a joy to watch! Many Thanks


Karla September 18, 2013 at 4:20 pm

Thanks so much for the tips…..especially love number 4 . Thanks Hibiscus:)


anup January 30, 2014 at 12:44 am

i have a question that can any person from any zodizc can wear this black tourmaline to avoid negative energy


Melly January 30, 2014 at 9:11 am

I’ve recently had a visitor that has very sad feelings. I’m wondering if anybody else has every felt these feelings physically? After she left I could feel a slight headache coming on but I held it a bay then all of a sudden it was like a full blown migraine. I took Advil to ease the pain but did nothing for it… Did a smudge with sage and it slightly changed the intensity but didn’t relive the pain totally ? Any suggestions on what I can do? I’m trying to help this person as much as I can, what can I do for her as well.. She’s heartbroken..


Rebecca Glenn January 30, 2014 at 3:48 pm

When I lived in the dorms in college, I used a large turkey feather that I used in rituals and “swept” the room on a regular basis with the intent of collecting negative energy. Immediately after I would go outside and smudge it.


susan February 5, 2014 at 3:34 pm

Hi Hibiscus,

Can you tell me where can I get all natrual crystals to buy, I wpuold want to buy from because you knows the real stuff, thank you.



Laurie April 19, 2014 at 10:05 am

Thanks so much for this. My spouse works for hydro & we live right by the hydro towers so I found this super interesting. I do not know much about the electro. Magnectic field but I do find it quite interesting. I wear a obsidian stone & wondered if this can help with negativity also?? I love your blog & someday hope to do your courses. Thanks again. I will definitely use #4.


Anaëlle May 2, 2014 at 8:46 am

Thank you dear for those good advises. I will certainly do it when I will be moving in my new apartment.
Love and light


joann May 20, 2014 at 11:32 am

sometimes i wish for a big ole stick to whack the negative out of someone, but your way sounds better <3


Ken June 19, 2014 at 8:59 am

I have to confess I used to be one of those negative people. Always complaining about something. Usually about my ex or my previous job. I realized that complaining wasn’t going to help my situation. I had to change my thinking. I began to be grateful for what I had that was positive in my life. And sometimes I just had to keep my mouth shut until the negative thoughts went away. I also had a very dear and caring co-worker who basically gave me a swift kick (not physically, but emotionally) to get me back on track. I found out that people who did not engage or validate my negativity helped to diffuse my anger. They listened but it was no fun being angry if the person listening to me did not agree with me. It was a long process but I realized that trying to stay positive in any situation is more rewarding than being angry and negative all the time.


Delicia Ambrosino July 16, 2014 at 3:33 pm

Hi All,
I have a beautiful black tourmaline pendent that I wear with my silver pentacle on a sterling chain. I have a very negative friend who only knows 3 things to talk about, each one negative, and never strays far from the moaning, groaning, oh-woe- is- me syndrome. She truly has a kind and giving nature. But this is her one MAJOR problem. Once I brought the subject up explaining to her that it depressed me to see her so focused on these 3 negative issues in her life thereby making her depressed. You know what she heard? That she depressed me….nothing else. That was a year ago and she still brings it up. Especially to my son behind my back.
Then there is my son who is a paranoid schizophrenic. For those 99% of the population who doesn’t understand mental illness let me tell you it is no picnic for those who suffer from it or the ones that love them.
So, one day I watched Hibiscus Moon’s vid on black tourmaline and smokey quartz helping to scoot the negs away. So far I have been wearing my tourmaline with my pentacle for 4 to 5 months. This past full moon I placed it in with my Tiger Lilies for cleansing for 3 days. During this time I thought I was going to go insane, cry my eyes out till I looked like Kermit the frog, and simply just wanted to run away. The negativity came at me like a tsunami. I was so overwhelmed without my tourmaline and pentacle. Well, on the closing of the third day of cleansing I brought my tourmaline/pentacle in, gave it a rinse with water fresh from the side of a hill, dried them, and stuck it in my pocket and forgot them. Things were way calmer that night but I had forgotten about my necklace you see……until I got my email on meteorites. And then my brain went AH-HA!
The next step is to get a nice smokey quartz.
No one can tell me that my tourmaline hasn’t been protecting me from both my friends negativity and my sons schizophrenic behavior {which was really bad those 3 days thanks to Mountain Dew and a full moon}. Right now I feel like I’m on vacation,SIGH …..


Vatsala Shukla August 12, 2014 at 9:46 am

I was always sensitive as a child and had to learn how to block other peoples’ energies from playing havoc with me, especially the energy vampires. In addition to Sage and some of the less esoteric methods, I have 2 that help a lot as I deal with people through out the day. If I sense negativity, I put both my hands together on my lap and make sure that the thumbs and index fingers of both hands are joined and I cross my legs at the ankles. This helps to break any negative circuit and looks very lady-like. :) I also burn camphor in my house on a regular basis to make sure that if by chance I have brought in any negativity or have been having a bad day and have left an impression, it gets cleansed. I know the latter has worked when I can actually smell the camphor and there is no soot at the bottom of the receptacle.


Moonsnake August 15, 2014 at 3:18 pm

I do a daily white light bubble protection meditation before I leave my home for the day,smudge,send negative energy to the white light,keep stones in my own space,and stay away from negativity as far as a can even if it is letting certain negative friends go.


Lori July 24, 2013 at 12:16 pm

Hi Ingela, I have the coworker from you know where who has been causing me extreme troubles at work for at least 2 years now. Are you able to do anything about the energy that she creates?


Hibiscus Moon July 24, 2013 at 1:01 pm

No. We are not using my blog & home to do this. I hope this post has taught all who read it that you are not to try to change others. That is not our job. I feel we only have control over ourselves & that is the only thing OR person we should be trying to control. This post give so many ideas on how to do that & safely transmute energy for yourself. And should anyone else try to use this page as a place to solicit services (of cost or no cost) or “spells” of this sort will be quickly booted on out. As you can see, I feel quite strongly about this.


Delicia Ambrosino July 16, 2014 at 3:46 pm

Hoorah for you. Each of us has choices. And each of us have our own personal will. It just isn’t morally right to impose your personal will onto someone else. However, each of us have magnificent natural powers to do good with. For example: Find out when your co-workers birthday is, make a BD cake {don’t spit in it} and surprise them with it. Do this with good will and they won’t know what to think. Random acts of kindness, believe it or not, can be a tremendous mender. There is of course a multitude of ways to protect yourself from negativity by using crystals and without using other peoples names or specifics. Do it for yourself ONLY. See my message about my dealings with negativity. Good Luck.


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